


I Cristiano, Take thee Kaka

by eternomadridismo



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Not Beta Read, References to Friends (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26941456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternomadridismo/pseuds/eternomadridismo
Summary: Kaka is Cristiano's home screen. And everyone knows (thanks Buzzfeed)
Relationships: Ricardo "Kaká" Izecson dos Santos Leite/Cristiano Ronaldo
Kudos: 8





	I Cristiano, Take thee Kaka

**Author's Note:**

> criska in big 2020? more likely than you think.

'Just- promise me you won't be mad.', Cristiano began instead of a greeting. His voice was echoey and distant that Kaka assumed he was sitting in a toilet cubicle.

'I would, but you're scaring me. What is it, Cris.', Kaka answered calmly. He was used to Cristiano calling him in weird hours before, and usually it was for nothing.

'Okay..', Kaka heard the other man took a deep breath before continuing. 'I did a B _uzzfeed_ interview and I screwed up, Ricky- so, so, bad. You know I don't have my team check up on questions beforehand- so they would get impromptu answers? And, wait- you **do** know what Buzzfeed was, right?'

Kaka rolled his eyes, 'Yes, I kept telling you how ridiculously honest you are. And Luca's a fan of Buzzfeed's restaurant rating show- But continue.'

'So I was told to bring my phone to the interview. Turns out, it was one of those **Show Me Your Phone** games-', Cristiano said slowly.

Kaka's eyes widen slightly. He sat up straighter. 'Oh, no.'

'- Yeah.', he heard a hesitation on the other line. Cris then cleared his throat and continued, 'Well, I told my team to get this to yours. You should be informed any moment now..'

Kaka shook his head, 'Yes. But what is it that you do? And I don't think this interview was live?'

Cris let out a hollow laughter. 'Well, they asked me to show my last message with my spouse, and, well, I showed **your** contact. **Our** message.'

Kaka was silent for a few seconds.

'I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad at me.', Cris begged on the other line.

Kaka wasn't mad. They had been hiding this for so long it honestly took a toll on him. Thing was, they always planned to come out as a couple after both of them retired. 

'Not that I'm not _honored_ that you think we're married.', he began. The image of Cristiano and a faceless bride suddenly surfaced on his brain. He took a deep breath and tried again, 'Okay. You could blame that on a Freudian slip. Or language barrier?', Kaka replied after a long silence from both lines. He opened their last text and desperately hoped it wasn't anything inappropriate. To his relief, the last thing they exchanged was a stupid meme about Donald Trump. 

'And that's not all-', Cris blurted out now that he was sure Kaka wasn't mad.

'Lord, what now.', Kaka smiled through gritted teeth.

'-Before that they asked me to show my home screen.'

'-Ah.'

'Yes.', Cristiano echoed.

Kaka hummed. Cristiano's bravado aside, it was such a reckless thing to do. 'Now please tell me your wallpaper wasn't anything inappropriate?', he tried to appear rational and not make Cristiano more worried.

Cris sounded like he puffed his lips, 'Er, no. It was a picture of you? It was a goal celebration and you were- pointing at me.'

Kaka knew which goal Cristiano talked about. They weren't together by then, but that was the early confusing days when Cris was a terrible flirt towards him.

Kaka's mouth betrayed him with a smile. 'And how did Georgina react to this?'

He heard a scoff on the other line before Cristiano answered, 'No need to sound so smug about it.'

Kaka laughed, 'I'm sorry! I'm just looking for positives here!'

To his surprise, Cristiano laughed in return.

'Well, she doesn't know. I think.', Cris said silently. '-Nah, she'll be alright.', he assured himself.

'- Well, what did you say in the interview, then?'

There was a pause before Cris' answer, 'It's hard to make up excuses on the spot- I told them you're my work husband-'

'- A work _what_?'

'Jesus, _Babe_ , you need to get out more.', Cris said fondly. 'It's what it said in the title. Basically your favorite, _platonic_ co-worker.'

Kaka was bemused. 'But we haven't been co-workers since 2013?', he sputtered.

Cristiano scoffed, 'I'm a terrible liar, which is why I always tell the truth. It's the one thing I'm bad at,', he sighed dramatically. 'Also I don't think buzzfeed paid attention about European football-'

Kaka bit his lips, 'That's still a stretch though, Cris.'

'- What would you rather me say? That we have been fucking behind everyone's back for almost 10 years??', Cristiano muttered in a single breath.

Kaka smirked, 'I was hoping I would mean more to you than just a good fuck-', he began. He realized his muscles had been tense during the call and stretched his limbs.

Cristiano laughed on the other line, 'If you had _listened_ , I called you both my spouse **and** my work husband.'

'-and may they never met?', Kaka yawned. 'You're beyond help, Cris.', he shook his head fondly.

Before he heard Cristiano's answer, suddenly his phone vibrated. Make that **hundreds** of notifications in one second. _This must be it_ , he thought.

'-Did you get it too?', Cristiano said in a whisper.

'Yeah.', Kaka scratched his head. 'I'll just wait until my team decides what to respond.'

'-You're not gonna open any of it?', Cris sounded confused.

Kaka smiled, 'No. I don't really care what they say about me. Or us.', he wished he could link their fingers together.

Cristiano clicked his tongue.'I wished I had your optimism.', he mumbled. Kaka felt a rush of affection towards the younger man.

His phone vibrated with a whatsapp notification. It was from a (mostly inactive) group with his former Real Madrid teammates that Iker Casillas made a year ago to plan a brunch reunion.

**Marcelo Jr** : I thought I was your favorite co-worker @Cristiano 🤧

**Marcelo Jr** : (link to the buzzfeed video) Congrats on the wedding @Cristiano @Kaka 👬😘

'Pfft', said Cristiano.

**Cristiano** : don't be jealous @Marcelo

Kaka tapped the link and watched the 5 minutes video titled 'Soccer Legend Cristiano Ronaldo Shows Us the Last Thing on His Phone'. The thumbnail was of Cristiano holding his phone with the screen blurred. Kaka hoped that wasn't him being blurred.

The video opened with Cristiano in a white shirt, smirking and laughing.

'You look good.', Kaka informed Cristiano as he wet his lips.

Cristiano huffed, 'Please.', He couldn't see but he can tell Cristiano rolled his eyes in the way that was reserved for when Kaka complimented his look.

**Sergio Ramos** : You didn't take it up Cristiano's 🍑🍑 @Marcelo 😜

**Iker Casillas** : What is 'work husband'?

**Cristiano** : Like you and Beckham (From what I've heard) 🥴

**Cristiano** : @SergioRamos You would know, Ramos 😃😘

**Pepe** : How bad is it @Cristiano @Kaka

Great. _Even his former teammates know_.

And Kaka thought they had made a good job hiding it..

Kaka swiped the notification from top of his phone. The video resumed.

Cristiano in the video was asked about his most used emoji (the muscle, red heart, wink emoji).

_Classic_ , Kaka thought. He was surprised the pleading face emoji or the peach one (Cristiano's most used on their texts) didn't make the cut. Then Cristiano showed his phone on the video though, and Kaka can surely spot those emojis in the third row.

Before that, Cristiano was asked about the last picture he took (his kids). Kaka smiled because Cristiano already sent him that picture. Then, about the last food he ordered (Cristiano laughed and said that he has a personal _chef_ , _duh._ ).

Then came the home screen question. Cristiano visibly tensed and had a deer caught on headlights look on his face. Kaka can silently hear the gear turning in his head (most likely to warn Kaka about this).

'It's a picture of Kaka. Er, Ricardo Kaka.', Cristiano said in the video. He was visibly looking for an excuse.

Kaka looked at the picture of him in Cristiano's phone. He never noticed photographers during games but he was glad that this moment was immortalized. He had the fondest, relaxed look on his face and he could try to recall the grateful feeling he had when he scored that goal for Real Madrid. Cristiano was so helpful during their early days and the goal meant a lot to both of them.

In the video, Cristiano cleared his throat and smiled fondly at his phone, 'It was a good day, a good memory. With, _er_ , a very good _friend_.', he said.

'I love you, Cris.', Kaka said in response.

Cristiano laughed. 'Love you too. Which part of the video are you in?'

'Just caught the home screen question.', he smiled as he softly touched his screen where Cristiano's face was.

Then his phone vibrated again.

**Marcelo Jr** : Where is @Kaka?

**Iker Casillas** : If you meant utmost respect and adoration, you're right. What time is it in Brazil? @Cristiano

'How would I _know_.', Cris mumbled on the other line. 

Kaka pulled the notification down and replied.

**Cristiano** : How would I know @Iker Casillas

**Kaka** : I'm watching the video 😉

He went back to the video.

The next question was the last phone call Cristiano made (his sister). Cristiano made a frown in the video and Kaka thinks he's _adorable_. 

On the other line, Cristiano laughed. 'Babe, someone made a funny meme of us on twitter. Hold on, I'll send it to you.'

Kaka opened the picture. It was a gif of their presentation video in 2009 when they were on a hill overviewing Santiago Bernabeu, Kaka stood on a particularly stoop part of the hill and Cristiano held him back to make sure he didn't fall down. Someone had added caption on the top and bottom of the gif that made it look like Cristiano called him _'baby'_.

'Aw, Cris. You didn't want me to fall,', Kaka laughed. He then saved the picture to his phone.

He pressed play on the video again. It was finally the 'last message from your spouse' question. Kaka cleared his throat.

'Ok, let's see how much trouble we're in now.', he mumbled.

In the video, poor Cristiano _smiled_ from ear to ear at the question. 

'From my spouse, from my spouse, hold on-', Cristiano muttered to himself. He proudly showed his phone to the camera, and the name 'Kaka' and his profile picture could clearly be seen. Kaka breathe a sigh of relief, at least Cristiano didn't go overboard with his contact name.

'We share memes about Donald Trump-,', Cristiano began fondly, but then he stopped in the middle of his sentence. It looked like someone in the studio said something because Cristiano paused and had a look of horror in his face for a second before he angled his phone backwards. 

Kaka paused the video.

He bursted in laughter, 'You know what this reminds me of? You did a Ross! You said the wrong name at the altar!'.

Cristiano didn't reply immediately. 'You don't think I'm a total jackass?', he muttered. 'Genuinely thought you would never talk to me anymore! I just came out for the both of us!'

Kaka waved his hands, and then he forgot Cristiano couldn't see him. 'Not how imagined it would go, but it's fine. Always thought it would be _me_ to slip and say something, to be honest,', he shrugged. 

He cleared his throat, 'And, you didn't _admit_ we're together. You might beat around the bush but it could be just me', he said, probably sounded a bit bitter than he had intended.

A notification popped up again.

**Higuain** : 😂😂 

**Higuain** : Dropping this (link to Ross saying the wrong name video) ( [ https://youtu.be/umdFN_1IkJM ](https://youtu.be/umdFN_1IkJM)) @Cristiano @Kaka

'See? Pipita gets it!', Kaka grinned.

**Mesut Ozil: 😂😂😂**

**Pepe: 😂😂😂**

**Kaka** : @Higuain I was just saying that to Cristiano 😂😂

'Cris, can I post the _Friends_ video on twitter?', Kaka scratched his jaw subconsciously.

**'Nerd**.', Cristiano answered. 'You haven't got any direction from your team?', he added.

Kaka grimaced. He had been ignoring the last five messages his PR team sent. He checked his messages. The PR team gave him 3 statement options, all of them dismissing Cristiano's video as honest mistakes.

_'Er_ , yeah. What did your team say?', he asked the other man.

Cristiano huffed. 'They're criticizing Buzzfeed for posting an unedited video in such a short notice. I'm gonna talk to them later but don't you think we should make joint statement?', Cristiano asked.

Kaka raised his eyebrows in surprise. 'Joint statement, huh? Think we're ready for something like that?'

A notification popped up again. Someone from MARCA asked him for an interview. Kaka dismissed the message.

‘MARCA asked me for an interview. _As if_.’, he announced to Cristiano.

Cris sighed, ‘If it comes down to that, we should play advantage of a good old nepotism and give either Iker's Sara or Sergio’s Pillar the interview. For a friendly face.’, Cristiano said bitterly.

Yeah, interviews are the **last** thing on Kaka’s mind. Only self absorbed people talk to the press about their personal lives.

'Hey, my team said it's okay to promote your buzzfeed interview.', Kaka changed the subject. 'Can I retweet it from your page?'

'Huh. How are people responding to it?', asked Cristiano. 'I don't look at comments. By the way, I'm still in the _bathroom_.', he added in a whisper.

'Where _are_ you?'

'Um, I'm locking myself in my bathroom.'

Kaka rolled his eyes. 'You have like 10 bathrooms.'

'-In the master bedroom, geez'

Kaka clicked his tongue in disapproval. Cristiano can be _so_ dramatic.

He went to Cristiano's twitter. The video was not there yet. His last tweet was from a week ago.

'Listen. It can't be bad if I was told _I_ could promote the video. Why didn't _you_?'

Cristiano cleared his throat, 'I'll have to talk to my kids first.'

Kaka was silent. He was an open book to his children, who knew what was going on, and they looked up to Cristiano.

'Look. I’ve planned for everything in life.', Cristiano said defensively. 'I’ve made minor changes by _loving you_ . But this...I thought this will be something we deal with much _later_ . And I always thought maybe _later_ , we'll vanish from the face of the earth and no one gives a damn what we do. That we might not have to address this at all', Cristiano said heavily.

'Cris. We don't owe anything to the world. We are not obligated to say anything you're not comfortable with.', Kaka comforted Cristiano.

'I know.', Cris replied sadly.

Kaka wished he could be with him, kissing his forehead and to play with his hair. 'One rule: talk to me whenever you feel down, okay?', he said.

'Okay. I love you, Ricky.', Cristiano breathed out.

'I love you too,', Kaka smiled.

'I'll fly to Italy in the morning.', Kaka yawned. 'I'll be there when you wake up and we'll figure this out together. Just leave the door unlocked.'

'For you? Always.', Cristiano yawned in return.

He was silent for a second, then added, 'Actually. I'll leave it under the flowerbed like usual. Can't be too careful.'

Kaka rolled his eyes. 


End file.
